Unfucking Vista (SP2)
As a DBA and computer… ok GEEK…. I get lots of requests from folx to help them get all the shit out of their computers that they managed to catch out on the internets (here’s a hint folx, PAY FOR YOUR PORN PLZ).
This is the standard process I use when I’m looking for problems, drivers conflicts, performance slowdowns, whatever in windows Vista. I’m really just punchlisting here, and some of these sites I link to have lots of other good information, but these are the critical steps I think are important in making a HOME (business is a different matter) computer with Vista32 tolerable to human beings.
Anyway, so I’m going to presume that your pc is as screwed up as most usually are and start at the beginning. NOTHING IN THIS GUIDE IS GUARANTEED TO WORK, but all of my commercial purchase recommendations are from long term use. On that note, folks, PLEASE do not install some free or cheap virus protection software and expect it to work with any effectiveness and for the LOVE OF GOD DO NOT install virus software from a torrent you found. I mean, really. Really? Ok so starting here, with a screwed Vista pc do this:
Start with the first major culprit post Sp2 in Vista, Application Experience and Search indexing.Black Viper’s guide explains how to turn this shit off.
Now that we hopefully have some breathing room performance wise, let’s get rid of some shit. Go HERE and follow the guide to get rid of whatever spyware is hanging around. The program recommendations there are kept current, and I assure you work well.
Once you have gotten rid of spyware, you need protection… right? (see above about buying this if you are slow.. or an asshat). For the most part, I find that not going to questionable sites, running Mallware Bytes once a week or so, and using Eset Nod32 works fine. If you are not computer talented, or don’t want to have to manually clean out spyware, my recommendation is to skip buying nod and installing Malware Bytes, and just install Eset Smart Security. It’s like 60$, but worth it, since it stays relatively unobtrusive, but filters garbage pretty damn well. Now we have some semblance of stability hopefully in windows, so let’s get ourselves cleaned up.
As you use your system, it slows down many times because bits and pieces of installed and the uninstalled apps, etc clutter up the temporary directories of windows, and never get thrown away (if for some reason they don’t complete, for instance). I only pass this on by way of knowing, but just use Crap Cleaner, a free tool to get rid of all kinds of garbage, and help speed up your browser(s).
A huge part of people’s speed problems are disk/ cache related and can be averted free and easy with some simple instructions from JK Defrag. I recommend lazy people take the time to read his installations instructions for the screensaver version, so you don’t forget to defrag often. It really matters folks.
Ok, right, so now we should run windowsupdate (from your start menu in Vista), and check to make sure all of our drivers are installed and correct. Note for ultimate users, I discovered you gets a Whole Lots of Slow if you let WindowsUpdate install the multilanguage packs included with the Ultimate Version. You don’t really speak Vietnamese anyway, and everyone knows it =(
WindowsUpdate like rebooted … maybe several times … ok now.
If you are like me, and have an Nvidia Motherboard and.or Video card, you should refresh your drivers from the Nforce(motherboard) and Geforce drivers. If you are not sure, clicking on their homepage, then using the locate drivers flash link should automagically figure out what kind of internal gear is on your computer. If you want to update your drivers, the safest and best way is to REBOOT your computer, and hold the f8 key when the windows bootscreen comes up to log the system into SAFE MODE. Oh wait, FIRST… heh, install The guru3d Driver Sweeper app and … well use his instructions and ignore the rest of this paragraph. Moving on.
Ok so here we are with a good first pass at rescuing most Vista systems exhibiting symptoms from recent windows Service Pack updates. If you have luck with this, drop me an email. I’ll changelog the bottom here as I change things around.
Peace — Chitlenz 7/9/2009